I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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