my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
