i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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