Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
