god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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