So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had sex on a roof
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
