I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
