just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
