If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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