dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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