Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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