No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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