i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
