woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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