I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
