glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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