I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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