Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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