he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
