It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
