I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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