Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I could fuck to npr.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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