Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
