So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as a side note pls kill me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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