im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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