there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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