im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
