over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
