hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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