Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize