I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
