A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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