I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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