Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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