The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
