Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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