the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
