I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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