I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I could fuck to npr.
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