this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
