Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize