This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
