So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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