just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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