So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
