If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
