I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
