I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
