I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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