imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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