whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
