i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That accounts for only three of the penises
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
