She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
