pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
