yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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