Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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