Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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