I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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