I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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