Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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