So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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