I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
