her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
