I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
