I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
