Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
