She said her name was "party"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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