Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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