I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
im on a boat
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